btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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