I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
false alarm. still invincible.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
