Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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