Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
