it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
