Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
