Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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