Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
