I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
