I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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