thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
