I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wear drunk well.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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