btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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