HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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