I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize