the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
