I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm like, not good at living.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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