is your mom at the bar?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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