I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
