...so i touched it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
