God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
