I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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