im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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