So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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