How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
