I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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