don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
