Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Randomize
