i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
