Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
