I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
