Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
