you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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