He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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