I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
