My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
