I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
