not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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