Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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