I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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