Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
