I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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