Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
