I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
