i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
