hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
