eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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