I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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