I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
