Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
