Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
