i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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