my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
