I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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