u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
false alarm, still single
Panties = found
Randomize
