I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm getting married
To pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
