By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
