i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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