I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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