She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
