Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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