Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
