I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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