well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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