Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
