i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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