My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
