I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
