Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
