My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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